He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
