Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
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... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
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The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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