It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
