oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
