make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
