making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
