Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
