Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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