who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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