I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
