Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Text me some of your sweat
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
