i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
