I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize