but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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