so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
