You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
