never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
