That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
