Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
