There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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