Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
