Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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