you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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