he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
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Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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