the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
