well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
