Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
