she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
