Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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