Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm at about main and main street
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
