idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
