her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
