Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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