I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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