Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
are you so shy because you have an std?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
