So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
