Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
false alarm, still single
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
