wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
