a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
