It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
