hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
How does one acquire holy water?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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