Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
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Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
This is classic penis vs brain.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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