So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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