Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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