I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
