the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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