checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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