I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
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I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
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She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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