just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
