I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
