Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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