hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
