I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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