Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
