I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
