I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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