Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
try to milk me bitch
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