I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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