The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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