Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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