I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize