Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
soo... how was my night?
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