I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
