Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
