I only kidnapped one of them. chill
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
