she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
