This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
