Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
They have beer where we have blood.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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