his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
