WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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