Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
