Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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