My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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