I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
