i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
