he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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