Where are you?
In a non slutty way
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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