Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
