i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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