im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
